love in retrograde.

To call you a whirlwind would be an understatement
I was swept up faster than any broom and dust pan interaction
As a felt a more than fatal attraction
my reaction
was equivalent to walking face first into concrete
Yet being pleasantly surprised by how much you enjoyed it
I am scared
I am scared
I am scared
of the butterflies you give me
because I thought the ones that were in there before had found a way out
or fossilized
I criticized them
for being gone
but they weren't
as I feel them come alive
every time the creases around your mouth paint dimples
and your grin spreads like light from the sunrise
making the sky turn from filtered shade
to stained glass
it was so fast
Like knocking the wind out of myself
as I fell
reminding me of my sixth grade kickball team
except this time
I actually got something out of it
My heart began to edit short you and me movies
of adventures we'd make
out on unknown lakes
or baking cakes
or making the best mistakes
you make me feel like taking a risk to live
because I've always colored in the lines
but I'm ready to make them disappear
wishing you were here
at my side
wishing distance would abide
to love at first sight
because even if there was the slightest chance it might
My dreams of the kiss I regretted not stealing the moment I met you
might come true
though it might've been kind of weird for a stranger to kiss you for no reason
If I could rewind
take back time
I'd walk up after a wave
like a sultry pantomime
I wouldn't say hello
I wouldn't let you know who I am
except for the red in my hair
and the clap of my heels on the wood floor
"J'adore"
I'd whisper
pretending to know French
though I don't, to any extent
I'd aim to impress
searching for success
in your eyes
silently saying
luck is a lady and she could be yours
as I sit down next to you
never leaving baby blues
as I stare
gaze never leaves
den of theives
and I go in for the most magical unspoken meeting
of rose-stained lips
then we go back to witty quips
and with that
regrets would never exist
I wish
that you would meet me in my dreams tonight
though you don't live where I might
It could be love at second sight
It could be love again tonight
as I start to think I'm sick of it
as I start to complain of this heartsick shit
as I start force pairs that will never fit
I quit on love
I quit on fits
I quit on lonely
I quit on this
then you walk into my life
and all I can think is
Shit
I got myself right back into it
Because you might think you've quit
when in reality
you're in the middle of it
Thinking you're moving on
moving forward
when in reality
the footprints are in front of you
as you move backward
Love in retrograde***