We were like a factory
the innerworkings of clocks turning together
all so time stood still
at the clamor of our whispered names
we shuffled through the steam of our heat
fogging each others eyes like swamp windows
we moved across the conveyer belt
two undefined unstamped licensed plates
ready to be pressed
we played tetris with our bodies
scored higher than any player
we were the fucking game
points reaching the board
as a shriek was heard from the stationary nerd down at Pizza Castle
we made an effort that no one could defeat
but what you didn't know
was a that only I played
to beat myself
I was a played out black and white movie
wishing for someone to chase the plane I was leaving on
I was a Marilyn Monroe masochist
wishing I could choke on my own pearls
and scratch my sides with my diamond friends
praying my scars would paint themselves
into something gentleman prefer
because I could scratch the seven year itch
straight across my collar bone
bite my lips bloody
in the attempt to make a face I never found attractive
belted my hips
to signal your fingers out of my area of weakness
because the truth is
I never knew what love was in the first place
because I taught myself the hurt of every heart beat
the pain of every high pitched "Happy Birthday, Mr. President"
I taught my self to tighten the ankle straps on my high heels
even when they're contrived from barbed wire
because I have to find a way to let your hand wander down the small of my back
without shivering in the wake of your fingernail traced pattern
I have to figure out
how to stop my shivering when I'm anything but cold
I have to stop thinking
about everything I wish I was
and for once
fit with someone else
by being nothing less than
what I already am***
