Pan

I am the shadow girl

My selfless years have just begun

As I wrapped selfishness in juvenile signatures

And tucked picture books underneath me

Reminiscing in the tootsie pop lunchbox days

And lacing up ribbons on dancing shoes

Remembering

The lost boys always manage to find me

and love me like the mother they never had

In neverland

They worship me for mere cookies and milk

And I tell them they were owed this

They became lost with mama’s shouts down the hall

And plaid robe mornings

Where tears drew up panels of gone daddies

They became lost when the broken world

Cast off together and traded for separate

And untied constellations that connected wishes left on stars

And my heart beats for giving

When all they need is to be found

As they teach me comic books and taco bell

Church camp chants

At a middle school dance

We hold hands

Reminiscing what they thought was love

When they didn’t know what mutual meant

And girls left kisses on their doorstep

And hearts at home

Because they didn’t know the gravity of deep dreams

Of a young boy

And they thought eyes were backwards telescopes

And big things were small

And I love

Stitching their broken hearts

And standing where new beginnings start

Hours of grand theft auto and youtube karaoke

Dancing dorm room production numbers

Past quiet hours

Laughing and crying

And showing them that I never had to give birth

To be a mother

I am the shadow girl

Loving lost boys

Like brothers

And still searching for the most lost of them all

Because he never grew up

Or answered any of my phone calls

I believed in his flight since we were kids

When no one else did

I’ve always been his

I am Wendy

Searching broken tree-houses and basement boxes

Because Peter Pan

Is the only man who can fly me to

The second star to the right

Because he never grew up

He just disappeared

And I know he’s there

With my heart on his sleeve

He had the heart to leave

And I continually search shadows

Because without him I become the lost girl

And I love the lost boys

Being the mom they never had

But I’m a half-ass mom without a dad

And pan stole my heart

When he told me to believe

As he sprinkled out stars like maps

For tomorrows and yesterdays

We were born to sway clouds

And defy plans

Prayers to father time

To make adventures

Like rocketship raucous

His eyes are an atlas

Of worlds I’ve never traveled

And I’ve loved him from afar

As I kept wishing on his star

That he’d come back

And we could be a fisher price family

Kids playing grown ups

Wearing shoes too big for us

Just to walk like someone else

Because we are serendipitous wishes

And chances chosen by children

Free and brave

Watercolor emotions

On canvases of pictures I painted of him without looking

And I’ll paint them with a pinky promise

To stay lost until he finds me

Because our pact is one I can’t explain

As I build soup can telephones

For us to stay in touch

And fishing poles to cast

When we sit on cushions of the crescent moon

And remember forevers

When we were young***