For Jo. I could never be as strong as you are. Keep pressing on, because your blessings are planned in great abundance.
She is beautiful brushstrokes
as if her mother blended blue and green to create a pallette for her eyes
and carefully pinpointed each freckle so that watercolors wouldn't run down her face
whenever she scraped a knee or got picked on at recess
she was painted with strong lines
rigid Picasso
with a heart like a Monet
and dreams painted in Van Gogh's Starry Night
She can paint a sunset with her laugh as she strolls happily
leaving paint footprints toward her tomorrows
The Artist
painted her own prince
A canvas draped in America's flag
with a young man
and his beating heart
as an open home where Jesus kicks off his slippers
and resides behind the welcome-mat door
She painted teeth perfectly aligned like the stars and the moon
She painted a Thor look-a-like so she'd always have a hero at her side
She painted the winner of a heart and soul battle who would
sing any battle song just to win one single Mona Lisa smile
from her and her beautiful painter's eye
She cries as she strokes the brush down the grainy frame
She knows it will never be the same
She knows that God's not to blame
She knows that he's not in it for the fame
or for his good name
She just wishes that someday
he'd walk out of the canvas
and take her hand
That they'd do a ragtime dance
that they'd live out a music box fantasy
She says, "I wish he was here with me"
and she continues in her colorful creation
Because she knows that someday
he will come out and say
that he loves each line and arc
that he always thinks up sparks
each time one of the stars in the flag mentions her
That each day when he thinks it's the end
when it's more difficult than he could even pretend
He sees a growing trend in the drumbeat of his heart
Like a Morse code mark
They spell out each letter
that leads him back to thinking of his love letter to home
Because he would crawl in the muddy rain
He would go thunder lightning insane
He would make it through hurricanes
Just to hear her voice in that once a week phone call
and she paints the sound of his voice
and the feel of his skin
and the way it makes her feel to hold him
she paints his silence
and his laughter
she paints his most trivial triumph
to the best days of his life
She paints her prince
and she holds her canvas tight
waiting for the day that the man will come to life
and hold her under the moonlight
and she'll know that it's just right
because she painted that moment
into existence for her own sight
and there he'll be
the soldier fighting her war
And she painted till canvases tore
but now she speaks softly
"I know what all those crooked lines were for"***
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Silence
He never knew how much you loved him
as you constantly placed him aside
like the last of the action figures
cycled on down
to the last box of toys you got rid of before you officially became an adult
You let him go
because his paint was chipped and his smile was no longer white
because others came along
because he was the one who sat in the second row
but to you he was the one who was always there
he was as constant as the air
he was a compass for your care
he was the cornerstone who stayed in the same place
but never knew how truly important he was
Because we live in a world of mouths shut
Filters never come into play unless we're shot-gunning negative slander
Our sentences could be so much grander if each word was meant to love each second
if we didn't waste our time speaking pennies
we could be shouting millions
we could be rich in billions
we could be golden in every corner and crevice
we could be diamond clear and sapphire blue
but when was the last time you said I love you?
How are people supposed to know when you don't tell them
when you sit in solemn silence
with assumptions that stab with each lack of mention
the heart doesn't assume that blood will just flow
because it's always done that, it should just know
because without it, it stops with nowhere to go
and then you're left with a grey veined side show
because we'd all be sleeping with cement headboards
if our hearts assumed the way we do
Just because you're smiling doesn't mean it's true
because inside you could be facing never-ending conflict; Iraq
You could be thinking that since everything is silent
we've all turned our backs
You could be hiding away paths you wrote yourself up your arms, your tracks
and we'd never know because
we are silent
we are silent
we are silent
in the severe and solemn
we are silent
when we should be shouting
each heart should be crowding
and love shouldn't be doubting
We should be screaming value
not hatred
because the person next to you should know that they're loved even when they screw up
that you've never met the end
that there's always another chance
shut the silence
shout your heart
shout your love
shout what you are
and never leave someone on a shelf
because without the love of another where is our wealth
we are rags
and yet
we are silent
because we're too afraid
of what it's like to be rich
we are silent
and suddenly more hearts assume their right not to beat
more minds assume the right not to speak
more silence
as we silently weep
for the boy in the back
whose smile lit up the world
and was turned off so abruptly
because no one ever told him that we can't see without him
that the darkness is overwhelming
that he saved us
yet we are still silent
because no one taught us how to speak.
as you constantly placed him aside
like the last of the action figures
cycled on down
to the last box of toys you got rid of before you officially became an adult
You let him go
because his paint was chipped and his smile was no longer white
because others came along
because he was the one who sat in the second row
but to you he was the one who was always there
he was as constant as the air
he was a compass for your care
he was the cornerstone who stayed in the same place
but never knew how truly important he was
Because we live in a world of mouths shut
Filters never come into play unless we're shot-gunning negative slander
Our sentences could be so much grander if each word was meant to love each second
if we didn't waste our time speaking pennies
we could be shouting millions
we could be rich in billions
we could be golden in every corner and crevice
we could be diamond clear and sapphire blue
but when was the last time you said I love you?
How are people supposed to know when you don't tell them
when you sit in solemn silence
with assumptions that stab with each lack of mention
the heart doesn't assume that blood will just flow
because it's always done that, it should just know
because without it, it stops with nowhere to go
and then you're left with a grey veined side show
because we'd all be sleeping with cement headboards
if our hearts assumed the way we do
Just because you're smiling doesn't mean it's true
because inside you could be facing never-ending conflict; Iraq
You could be thinking that since everything is silent
we've all turned our backs
You could be hiding away paths you wrote yourself up your arms, your tracks
and we'd never know because
we are silent
we are silent
we are silent
in the severe and solemn
we are silent
when we should be shouting
each heart should be crowding
and love shouldn't be doubting
We should be screaming value
not hatred
because the person next to you should know that they're loved even when they screw up
that you've never met the end
that there's always another chance
shut the silence
shout your heart
shout your love
shout what you are
and never leave someone on a shelf
because without the love of another where is our wealth
we are rags
and yet
we are silent
because we're too afraid
of what it's like to be rich
we are silent
and suddenly more hearts assume their right not to beat
more minds assume the right not to speak
more silence
as we silently weep
for the boy in the back
whose smile lit up the world
and was turned off so abruptly
because no one ever told him that we can't see without him
that the darkness is overwhelming
that he saved us
yet we are still silent
because no one taught us how to speak.
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Bad Liar
He said the dark was afraid of the light
Like a child pumping legs back and forth
until they could touch clouds but still afraid to jump off of the swing
They'd rather hang in equilibrium
they'd rather tease gravity
they'd rather take time to defy
and I
sang phrases from the section of my cerabellum
that is purely dedicated to song lyrics
as I pulled a Panic! at the Disco reference
All was golden in the sky
All was golden when the day met the night
He said light
is too bright for my shaded fearful eyes
I can't trust it to rise
with some compromise
for myself and what I can handle
Yes, light
is what the darkness craves
because the darkness likes anything that's brave enough to cross its bounds
Because darkness likes the way the middle ground sounds
Darkness wants to be with light
so light invites
the moon, shining like an open invitation from a bridesmaid to a best man
if that's not obvious, I don't know what is
the moon, wearing the shiniest thing it owns and making heads turn upward to admire
the moon, proving that light and dark need each other
Each star proving that the two make each other
so. damn. beautiful.
You see, you can't make a shadow, unless you have light
Peter Pan, try as hard as you might
to sew that shadow to your shoe sole
I see into your soul
I pay my own toll
I have my own goal
You see, Peter, Wendy's taking flight
like Icarus toward the light
I can fly, I can fly!
Because I want to combine the light and the dark
like Van Gogh's starry night
I want to combine like pizza in a perfect bite
I want dark to fall right next to light
the moon and it's black sheet counterpart
they play the part
but I think they're about ready to retire
I think the sky is open to hire
I think you said once that I'm a bad liar
So I won't bother to lie about what's required
Because when we're together, we set stars on fire
So the job's ours
though neither of us is the applier
the moon and the black sky just know
that dark and light
are entirely entire
and you and me?
We're just bad liars***
Like a child pumping legs back and forth
until they could touch clouds but still afraid to jump off of the swing
They'd rather hang in equilibrium
they'd rather tease gravity
they'd rather take time to defy
and I
sang phrases from the section of my cerabellum
that is purely dedicated to song lyrics
as I pulled a Panic! at the Disco reference
All was golden in the sky
All was golden when the day met the night
He said light
is too bright for my shaded fearful eyes
I can't trust it to rise
with some compromise
for myself and what I can handle
Yes, light
is what the darkness craves
because the darkness likes anything that's brave enough to cross its bounds
Because darkness likes the way the middle ground sounds
Darkness wants to be with light
so light invites
the moon, shining like an open invitation from a bridesmaid to a best man
if that's not obvious, I don't know what is
the moon, wearing the shiniest thing it owns and making heads turn upward to admire
the moon, proving that light and dark need each other
Each star proving that the two make each other
so. damn. beautiful.
You see, you can't make a shadow, unless you have light
Peter Pan, try as hard as you might
to sew that shadow to your shoe sole
I see into your soul
I pay my own toll
I have my own goal
You see, Peter, Wendy's taking flight
like Icarus toward the light
I can fly, I can fly!
Because I want to combine the light and the dark
like Van Gogh's starry night
I want to combine like pizza in a perfect bite
I want dark to fall right next to light
the moon and it's black sheet counterpart
they play the part
but I think they're about ready to retire
I think the sky is open to hire
I think you said once that I'm a bad liar
So I won't bother to lie about what's required
Because when we're together, we set stars on fire
So the job's ours
though neither of us is the applier
the moon and the black sky just know
that dark and light
are entirely entire
and you and me?
We're just bad liars***
Saturday, September 1, 2012
5 things.
5 things no one told me before I left for college
5. No one told me that the bathroom is no longer a private
affair, everyone knows that you’re in there, so always be aware and if you can,
light a freaking match. Because everyone can hear all of those un-lady-like
drums, to the girl who was in the stall on Thursday night…you need some TUMS. I
got some in room 212, I’ll hook it up. Because everyone who walks in knows when
the nacho platter did not agree with you and as you walk out in shame, we know
it’s you. So yes…do what you need to but febreeze that shit before you quit.
4. No one told me
that some people say they want to wait, but the health office lays it all out
on a plate with a lovely condom buffet all for the glamorous price of free as
long you stay safe and try not to wake your roommate. There was nothing as
glorious as the moment I took my first one from like that big punch bowl and
scared the crap out of the lady behind the counter because at first I wanted to
grab a handful and walk up to her little window and begin quoting Juno by
saying they make my boyfriend’s junk smell like pie you know but I restrained
and took one single contraceptive and scrapbooked it for posterity because yes,
my children will want to know the temptation I had that day.
3. No one told me that in high school it’s the greatest
moment of your life when you get asked out by a senior but in college you might
have to card your date. Super Senior doesn’t mean he’s someone superb who
succeeds it means he’s someone who’s old enough to be your dad and knows your
naïve and will gladly take you out even though he’s 40 and you’re 18. Even
though his favorite movie is Robocop and it’s no coincidence that he loves
anything by Woody Allen. Don’t let his cut off shorts fool you because he still
lives with his mom and plans student events, he sits in the basement and never
pays rent. When his pick up lines are fifteen years behind the times you’ll see
that you don’t want to go to a movie and sit on grandpa’s lap.
2. No one told me that the past presidents of the itty bitty
titty committee had been popular throughout high school because the boys didn’t
know what they were getting themselves into and now they think they’re ready to
move on to those double D’s with double ease and they think they’re smooth as
nacho cheese when really the way they move their hands is about as romantic is
tuning a radio. Because you see them lurking on the couches with their girl
with an expression like unhooking a bra is an algorithmic process that Einstein
himself couldn’t solve and they think they’re doing you a favor when in actuality
they love boobs because they are squishy bags of fat and you are not enjoying
yourself in the least.
1. No one told me not to wear my good Sunday dress to a frat
party. It was like getting my ass slid across the glass window countertop at
target by each guy I came across and then getting put in the bag ready to take
home for later. Bam! I was checked out. It was a continual repeat of a Joey
Tribiani pick-up: how you doin? How you doin? How you doin? Because in college,
it’s all about the hourglass and that sassy class and the babies who got back
till you don’t know the names of the people you’re dancing with but most of
them look like Will Smith back when he was on the Fresh Prince except with some
nasty facial hair and some pimples here and there but just as soon as you think
it’s time to take a break and you sit on the bricks outside and watch a
basketball fake…SLAM DUNK! You just got hit in the face and your nosebleed is
loving that white fabric, it’s just soaking it up and where’s Will Smith to
help you before the freaking fabric stains? He’s inside with another booty and
you are the girl with the killer nosebleed. These are the things no one told me
and I don’t even know how much longer the list will get or what to think because
this is only the first week.
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Frankly...
He called me the girl on the Audrey Hepburn bike
and I smiled and raced across the crunchy grass
I thought I'd win as I sprinted straight past
I felt like a kid, knowing rotten eggs are last
I'm like Ricky Bobby, I wanna go fast
Then the next thing I knew I fell on my ass
I fell hard
I fell harder than I'd ever fallen
I fell from the moon where he flew me
Everytime he'd sing his Sinatra solute
then deny that he could carry a tune
He was the Rat Pack rolled into one
a man who smokes a cigarette and sometimes carries a gun
a man who can dance without even knowing that he can
Fred Astaire with a stare like no other guy
let's fly let's fly let's fly
because he and I are a perfect sort of remake romance
He's a man I'd promise more than one dance
He is a USO dream
He's a modern James Dean
He's a man I'd love to give one last kiss before I leave on a black and white plane
I wish we could swing dance like Tarzan and Jane
Because he drives me cuckoo bananas, pin-up girl insane
They say he carries lady luck
like a little thought in his cigarette case
and I wish I was in her place
just to be a little thought in the back of his mind
I wish I was lucky
I wish he was mine
in my fantasy of fantasies
all I would see
is the girl that he's with getting switched out with me
He'd march up to her pinched pretentious pate
and realize I'm love while she's full of hate
He'd walk up to her knowing exactly who I am
and he'd say "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn"
then he'd take a smoke break
and sit down to think
and I'd take a spot right next to him on the yellow painted curb
and ask him if maybe he'd like to dance
and ask him if maybe he'd like to romance
and then he'd kiss me
and I'd ask him "why'd you do that?"
and he'd say "Because frankly my dear, I don't give a damn"
and I smiled and raced across the crunchy grass
I thought I'd win as I sprinted straight past
I felt like a kid, knowing rotten eggs are last
I'm like Ricky Bobby, I wanna go fast
Then the next thing I knew I fell on my ass
I fell hard
I fell harder than I'd ever fallen
I fell from the moon where he flew me
Everytime he'd sing his Sinatra solute
then deny that he could carry a tune
He was the Rat Pack rolled into one
a man who smokes a cigarette and sometimes carries a gun
a man who can dance without even knowing that he can
Fred Astaire with a stare like no other guy
let's fly let's fly let's fly
because he and I are a perfect sort of remake romance
He's a man I'd promise more than one dance
He is a USO dream
He's a modern James Dean
He's a man I'd love to give one last kiss before I leave on a black and white plane
I wish we could swing dance like Tarzan and Jane
Because he drives me cuckoo bananas, pin-up girl insane
They say he carries lady luck
like a little thought in his cigarette case
and I wish I was in her place
just to be a little thought in the back of his mind
I wish I was lucky
I wish he was mine
in my fantasy of fantasies
all I would see
is the girl that he's with getting switched out with me
He'd march up to her pinched pretentious pate
and realize I'm love while she's full of hate
He'd walk up to her knowing exactly who I am
and he'd say "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn"
then he'd take a smoke break
and sit down to think
and I'd take a spot right next to him on the yellow painted curb
and ask him if maybe he'd like to dance
and ask him if maybe he'd like to romance
and then he'd kiss me
and I'd ask him "why'd you do that?"
and he'd say "Because frankly my dear, I don't give a damn"
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
I Wish I Was Brave
I don't know what to say
as I count day by day
hour by hour
minute by minute
second by second
2 days add up to lifetimes
as my emotions pile up
until I don't even know what I'm supposed to be feeling
my brain is craving pickles and ice cream
while my heart wants one first kiss
I am learning
I am learning
I am learning to let go
but it's so hard
I don't know how to leave
everything that I've achieved
every breath that I have breathed
Every part I know is me
I can't bear to think that I'll miss each moment
that I'll be left out but I won't even know it
that I'll leave my life
but my life will leave me back
So when I come home
no one will care where I'm at
I'll be phased out
I'll be long gone
I'll be on the train I should've been on
life goes on
while I'm still waiting
and thinking
and hoping
and wondering
and praying
I wish I was brave
because I'd say things out loud
My mind would be proud
that I let it all out
as I wove my own shroud
things that cover me
that I will be remembered for
I wish I was brave
because I'd let you know how I feel while I still have the chance
I'd dance
I'd be fearless through circumstance
but I just keep thinking
you'll go on without me
and I'll be far away wishing
I don't know how to leave all that I've made
I'm afraid
I don't know who to be
who is me
I wish I was brave
so you'd notice me
and maybe I could have a dream to take with me
as of right now my wallet's empty
and I'll leave with wishes like pennies
wishing you'd kept me
I wish I could just say what I'm thinking
Because it might make me less afraid
or who knows
I could still be scared
after my soul's been bared
I don't know
although
I do know
that I'd like a dream to take with me
I'll lead
I hope you'll follow
as I count day by day
hour by hour
minute by minute
second by second
2 days add up to lifetimes
as my emotions pile up
until I don't even know what I'm supposed to be feeling
my brain is craving pickles and ice cream
while my heart wants one first kiss
I am learning
I am learning
I am learning to let go
but it's so hard
I don't know how to leave
everything that I've achieved
every breath that I have breathed
Every part I know is me
I can't bear to think that I'll miss each moment
that I'll be left out but I won't even know it
that I'll leave my life
but my life will leave me back
So when I come home
no one will care where I'm at
I'll be phased out
I'll be long gone
I'll be on the train I should've been on
life goes on
while I'm still waiting
and thinking
and hoping
and wondering
and praying
I wish I was brave
because I'd say things out loud
My mind would be proud
that I let it all out
as I wove my own shroud
things that cover me
that I will be remembered for
I wish I was brave
because I'd let you know how I feel while I still have the chance
I'd dance
I'd be fearless through circumstance
but I just keep thinking
you'll go on without me
and I'll be far away wishing
I don't know how to leave all that I've made
I'm afraid
I don't know who to be
who is me
I wish I was brave
so you'd notice me
and maybe I could have a dream to take with me
as of right now my wallet's empty
and I'll leave with wishes like pennies
wishing you'd kept me
I wish I could just say what I'm thinking
Because it might make me less afraid
or who knows
I could still be scared
after my soul's been bared
I don't know
although
I do know
that I'd like a dream to take with me
I'll lead
I hope you'll follow
Sunday, August 5, 2012
Let's Be
original song
Seeing you across the room
Just passing through, just passing through
I dream in hues
Of me and you of me and you
Got my heart tattooed
And you look like mine, you look like mine
Everytime I get a chance to see into your dreamer’s eyes
Like fireworks, Each spark a firefly, Lighting up the sky
Do I look like yours?
The more and more
I smile and I hesitate knowing what I’m waiting for
To say the words and know it takes down fear if I’m keeping
score
But baby your smile is sunshine gold
Let’s be adventures. Let’s grow old.
I’ve noticed you’ve drawn out your heart, line for line,
each warning sign
And I find it matches mine our beats aligned perfect colors
shine
And you look like mine, you look like mine
Everytime I get a chance to see into your dreamer’s eyes
Like fireworks, Each spark a firefly, Lighting up the sky
Do I look like yours?
The more and more
I smile and I hesitate knowing what I’m waiting for
To say the words and know it takes down fear if I’m keeping
score
But baby your smile is sunshine gold
Let’s be adventures. Let’s grow old.
I’m not afraid as long as you hold my hand
Because you’ve made me see what I truly am
And I’ll laugh and you laugh
And we’ll have what we have
And facts will remain
Unless I reach out, take heart, and let my love explain
That you look like mine, you look like mine
Everytime I get a chance to see into your dreamer’s eyes
Like fireworks, Each spark a firefly, Lighting up the sky
Do I look like yours?
The more and more
I smile and I hesitate knowing what I’m waiting for
To say the words and know it takes down fear if I’m keeping
score
But baby your smile is sunshine gold
Let’s be adventures. Let’s grow old.
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